


you were still pretending (i knew i wasn't)

by DoctorFitzy (KittooningMalijah)



Series: life gives you lemons [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Carnival, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, References to the future, but i'm me so it got sad, it was supposed to be soft, lemons but like the actual fruit, references to SHIELD, there's a teddy bear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:08:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26075404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittooningMalijah/pseuds/DoctorFitzy
Summary: In which Trevor learns that Deke has never been to a carnival.
Relationships: Deke Shaw & Trevor Khan, Trevor Khan/Deke Shaw
Series: life gives you lemons [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894300
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	you were still pretending (i knew i wasn't)

**Author's Note:**

> there was a dialogue prompt on tumblr about wanting to learn how to shoot a gun to win a carnival prize, and a prompt on twitter about character a critiquing character b's stance and form with a weapon so i put them together and made it gay
> 
> title from Classic by Beth Crowley

Deke frowned down at the laminated bracelet around his wrist, shaking his head and shuffling along the pavement. When he'd heard about the carnival in town and mentioned that he'd never been to one, he'd been promptly told that just simply wouldn't do, and if he'd known, in that moment, that his Saturday would be completely stolen from him, he likely wouldn't have said anything at all. Because, with that admission, he was stuck in the sun, squinting at the crowds of people around them and trying to understand what was so _special_ about this place. He could have sworn it was just an empty field, a week ago.

"Okay, I've been to a carnival, now, Trevor. Can we go?"

He didn't have to look over to know that the SHIELD agent was rolling his eyes, and a gentle tug to his sleeve let him know that he was being ushered further into the chaos instead of toward the exit directly behind them. "Absolutely not. I'm going to make sure you get the full experience - there's games, and rides, and _snacks_. Come on, this will be fun. Trust me."

With a sigh, Deke let himself be pulled along toward what looked like food stalls. A few were for things he recognized - corn dogs, nachos, pretzels - but there were a few words that stood out that he couldn't conjure up an image for in his mind. "Hey, Trev? What's _cotton candy_?"

Immediately, the pulling to his arm stopped, and there was a sigh close to his ear once the space between them was closed. "Jesus, Deke... I know the future sucked but that's just sad. We'll start with snacks, then."

Apparently, cotton candy was just sugar and food coloring, and it made his fingers sticky, but it wasn't _bad_ . It was actually pretty good, and it was definitely fluffy and pointless enough that he could _easily_ justify another one without spoiling lunch. So, while his carnival escort stepped away for a bathroom break, that's exactly where Deke set off to. Because the _plan_ was to get another cotton candy, maybe one of the rainbow ones he'd seen when they got the first one from the stall closer to the entrance, but he got distracted by a different stall, maybe because he'd gotten lost.

The stalls around him definitely didn't sell food, but the giant, bright blue and pink and yellow teddy bears hanging inside drew his eye easily, and soon enough, he found himself five dollars poorer and a new hatred for water guns. It couldn't possibly be that hard to win a stupid game and get a teddy bear. There _had_ to be some level of chance to it, if his skill couldn't win it for him. He'd handled weapons before; he knew the basics, even if most of his experience was virtual. After surviving a gunshot wound and a knife would and time travel, he should be able to beat a simple carnival game without so much trouble.

And, when Trevor found him, he was still at the same stall, scowling at the plastic clown mouth across from him. He'd lost track of how long he'd been there, but he'd spent another ten dollars on attempts to win the bear hanging closest to him, the synthetic yellow fur seeming to taunt him no matter how hard he concentrated.

"So this is where you got off to. Please tell me you didn't waste a bunch of money on this."

"I'm not _wasting_ money. I'm _investing_ it in this bear, here." Deke shook his head, standing up straighter while he set the water gun down so that the chord it was attached to wouldn't catch on anything. "Actually... you're field trained, right? Teach me how to shoot a gun."

The look he got in response was one of pure disappointment, without a single ounce of surprise. Which, for the most part, was what he expected. "Deke, we played Remorath Rumble _last night_. You know how to shoot a gun."

"Clearly, I can't shoot a gun _well enough_ to win a stupid bear. What good is having a secret agent best friend if you won't show me anything cool?"

Trevor sighed and squeezed his eyes shut before pinching the bridge of his nose. "You know, the louder you say it, the less of a secret it is. And these games don't take any real _skill_ ; they're just a way for the carnival to make a little money. If you really want a bear, you can just buy one online for really cheap."

"I don't want to _buy_ one; I want to _win_ one!" A small group of children and their parents took up some space on the other side of the stall, and Deke perked up a bit more when the man behind the counter announced there were enough people to compete for the jumbo sized prizes. Without hesitation, he widened his eyes and put a more pointed tone to his words. "Hey, remember when you lied to me about being a SHIELD agent for over a year and it really hurt my feelings?"

" _Deke_ -!"

"Just help me win the giant bear and I'll never bring it up again!"

"We both know that's a lie." Trevor met his gaze for a long moment before sighing again with a small frown. "Fine, whatever, I'll help you win the stupid bear."

With a victorious grin, Deke stepped forward to the counter again and grabbed the water gun while he got back into position. In a matter of seconds, there was an arm on his shoulder, gently pulling his upper body back into a slightly different position. "What are you-?"

Shaking his head, Trevor stepped closer to him and went about correcting his posture. "I would have lectured you about this when you first started developing the game, but that would have given away my cover completely. Your form sucks. Seriously, it's a wonder you didn't hurt yourself just firing an ICER."

"Well, you don't have to be so _mean_ about it..."

He tensed up immediately when hands covered his own on the water gun and his back was suddenly pressed close to a firm, strong, muscular, _field trained_ chest. It wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't expected, either, and he didn't exactly need a mirror to know that his face was hot and red. Whether it was from the closeness itself or how it made him feel, he couldn't be sure, but he shifted his hold on the gun just the same so that he could pull the trigger as soon as the bell rang to start the game.

Concentrating on the game, Trevor had his chin resting on his shoulder, his voice low and careful. "Keep it steady... and..."

The bell rang again when their little bear reached the top, and the announcement that they won and he could pick a bear rang out, but all Deke could focus on was the cold that set in as soon as the gentle pressure left his back. Contact like that wasn't usually something he welcomed, especially when he _should_ have felt trapped with arms on either side of him, but it had been... _nice_ . Not that he could say as much out loud, not without it somehow getting back to SHIELD, and that only meant Daisy would _never_ let him live it down. So, instead of commenting on his disappointment, he put on a smile and pointed out the yellow bear hanging nearby to claim his prize so that they could get on with their day.

-

By mid afternoon, it was too hot to focus on games and shopping stalls, and Deke had bought a new pair of sunglasses to keep the bright sun from his eyes while he relaxed against the back of a bench. His bear was settled in next to him with a hat to serve the same purpose - and he _knew_ it was ridiculous, but he also knew he would be a terrible bear parent if he let the sun make the poor thing go blind. For a few minutes, he had some quiet time alone while his babysitter-slash-bodyguard went to get them some more snacks. He had, reluctantly, agreed to spend the entire day out to get the _full carnival experience_ , but in order to survive that, he needed something cold to keep him from melting.

"Don't you dare fall asleep. We still have the best part of the day left to experience." Trevor spoke as soon as he sat down on the bench, letting the bear create a few feet of space between them. "I got churros, pretzels, a hot dog, some water bottles so we don't die..." He used napkins to make sure the food didn't touch the bench while he sorted through everything, setting the waters between his feet before reaching over to push a spoon and something _cold_ into Deke's hand. "And I got you a frozen lemonade. Eat up."

Blinking in shock at the chill, Deke sat up straighter and moved his sunglasses to get a better look at the little cup that had been passed to him. There was a familiar logo on the side of it, and it wasn't like he'd never had lemonade before, but he was used to it being a _liquid_ , not _slush_ . Slowly, he pushed the lid off with his thumb and took a small spoonful to taste it, all but frowning. It was common knowledge, within his circle of SHIELD acquaintances, that he was from the future, that he'd made the embarrassing mistake of leaving fruit for Daisy when he was still staying in the Lighthouse, in the days before his company, but he didn't know how many details had been shared with the agent next to him. A quick glance told him that he was being watched while he took another slow bite, his confusion still clear. If he was being gifted something with lemon in it, he wouldn't complain, but his reaction depended entirely on if the gifter knew what the fruit _meant_.

"I just... the company logo is a lemon, and I know you always add it to your tea... but I don't think I've ever seen you drink _lemonade_... is that okay?"

With a small nod of his head, Deke smiled and dug out another, bigger bite of lemon flavored ice with his spoon. "Of course, it's okay. Lemon is my favorite flavor." All the while, his chest was filled with warmth that had very little to do with the heat of the day, and he let himself relax again while they dug into their afternoon snack.

-

In all the excitement, he'd somehow managed to forget that Trevor had mentioned _rides_ as soon as they'd arrived.

The rides themselves were separated from the shopping stalls by a stage and a few show animals, and they'd run the teddy bear out to the car before venturing over so that there wouldn't be any risk of dropping or losing it. He'd been dragged to various rides for hours - some as silly and childish as bumper cars, ranging to the more adrenaline inducing rides, like the drop tower - and the last event of the night, he was told, was something with a rather long line.

"Trev? This one looks tall. It's not going to drop us again, is it? Because I _don't_ want to do that again."

He got a laugh in response, and he could have sworn he felt a brush of fingers against his arm. That was the only logical explanation for why he instinctively flinched, but a quick glance down told him that there was still almost a foot of space between them, so he pushed the thought from his mind.

"The fact that you haven't even _heard_ of a ferris wheel is all the proof I needed to know that it's a _very_ good thing the apocalypse was avoided. Besides, you know, the obvious reasons." With a shake of his head, Trevor stepped forward to move with the line before all but grinning over at the man he still considered a friend. "No, it's not going to drop us. I just had to save it for the end because it's _way_ cooler if you can see the entire carnival at night."

Before he could ask what that meant, he was being ushered into a bench seat and had to grab the lap bar when it was pulled down over them. He wasn't exactly inclined to believe the words when safety restraints were in place, but they were already moving higher in the air, and the seat was swinging, and his instincts screamed to hold onto something that _wasn't_ moving.

The nearest thing his fingers found was Trevor's wrist, and he held on _tight_.

A warm hand rested over his, gently loosening his hold before fingers threaded between his and _squeezed_. It was more soothing than he thought the simple action could be, and he shivered from the gentle brush of a thumb over the scar on his own wrist. They were high enough that he could blame it on the chill, if he wanted to, but that might mean shaking away the contact if he wanted to keep up the act, and that wasn't exactly an appealing idea.

The ascent was slow, and their seat stopped every once in a while so they could load more people in, from the ground, but it didn't _really_ feel like it stopped until they were at the very top of the wheel. Below them, the lights from the other rides and the stalls and the stage were spread out across dry grass and asphalt, making the people running around and laughing on the ground seem so... _small_. Deke had to take a deep breath, squeezing the hand that had made its way to his while his eyes went wide.

"Whoa..."

He got a gentle squeeze in return, and he couldn't completely ignore the low chuckle from the man next to him. "This is why I wanted to wait until it was dark enough to see everything."

For a long moment, they sat quietly, and Deke turned his head to look over at the SHIELD agent while he bit his tongue. By the time he was able to speak, they were moving slowly again, beginning their descent. "So, uh... do you have to call Mack, or something, when we're done, here? Or did you do it while I was distracted by that stupid clown game?"

Confusion was obvious when Trevor met his gaze, the lights below them reflecting back to him as if to remind him of where they were. "What do you mean? My check-ins with SHIELD are weekly, and that's only if something happens that I need to tell them about. When you were developing the game, I did check-ins more often, but since we got back... I've only talked to them once, and it was because _they_ called _me_ so I could tell _you_ that Fitz and Simmons were back from space. If I do have anything to report that's not, you know, aliens that look like Coulson attacking your building, I don't report it on _my day off_."

"Oh..." Deke frowned a bit, looking out at the lights again when they temporarily came to another stop. "So, uh... what kinds of things do you usually report?"

"Deke, even you have to know that's _classified_."

"No, I know, I just... is it just when I use SHIELD technology? Or like... like, when I started dating Sequoia?" He hesitated for a moment before looking over at him again, biting his tongue. "Did you report that?"

"What?" There was a flash of hurt in Trevor's eyes while he frowned and gave a hurried shake of his head. "Of course not. That's not SHIELD's business. That was barely _my_ business. I don't share personal information with them. Even when you told me stuff about the Kree, I didn't share that with SHIELD. Your past and your personal life aren't relevant to that part of my job."

Swallowing roughly, Deke looked away to drop his gaze down to where their fingers were still intertwined. He'd regretted sharing anything about his past with his _best friend_ when he first found out the truth, mostly because he didn't know to balance the level of trust he'd once felt with the heartache of betrayal. But, if that information, and the moments he'd shared it in, were still _theirs_ , well...

"I told you a lot about the future. You really didn't tell them _any_ of that? Because... well, it's _SHIELD_ , right? And don't you have to put everything in your mission reports? I mean... that's what I _am_ , right? A mission?"

The hand pulled back after the words, and the cold that set in seemed to sink into his bones. He'd screwed up, that much was obvious, and it took every ounce of self control and emotional pain tolerance that he'd built up over the years to keep from reaching out again. He _wanted_ to hold onto Trevor's hand again, but that would probably only push him away that much more, when he had already started to make a mess of things.

" _No_ , Deke, you aren't just a mission." Their seat had started moving again, and whatever conversation they needed to have before they reached the ground had to happen quickly, so the next words came out in a rush. "And yeah, you told me _a lot_ about your future, but none of that is relevant to SHIELD, so I didn't give them all the details. It wasn't my right to tell them any of that, because that's _you_ . It was all _you_ , everything you told me, and while it is my job to keep an eye on you and make sure you don't screw SHIELD over, it's _not_ my job to give them _you_."

"Trevor, I-"

"Don't." They were getting closer to the ground, and it didn't seem like their discussion was going to come to a satisfying conclusion while Trevor struggled to keep from raising his voice. " _Jesus_ , Deke, do you _honestly_ believe there was nothing at all between us just because my job is what introduced us? I knew you had trust issues - for good reason, don't get me wrong, but... We _were_ best friends. And finding out about SHIELD changed that for you, fine, and I tried to be subtle today but apparently that didn't work, did it?"

"Subtle? Subtle about _what_?" Deke shook his head, twisting his body and holding onto the lap bar tightly with both hands when the seat moved with him. "Look, I was following that until you got to today. What happened today that I missed? Because I know I don't know a lot about carnivals, or what life is like in this time, so if you did something, you have to be a bit more direct."

Quiet hung between them for the rest of the ride, and Trevor didn't even glance over at him when the lap bar lifted and they were able to slide out of the seat. But his words were just loud enough that they could be heard before he got to his feet and stepped away.

"Yeah, I know. That's why I _didn't_ do anything that people do, now; I used a message I thought you would understand from your own past. Why do you think I got you that frozen lemonade?"


End file.
